Tales from the Hot Tub, a Guest Post for author Lauren Faulkenberry
Click here to view this post on Lauren's website
GUEST POST: TALES FROM THE HOT TUB, BY AUTHOR DAISY MAE
This week’s guest post is written by Daisy Mae, author of Dating Daisy— it’s a funny, charming novel about a divorcée who is struggling to find love again through internet dating. Thanks for sharing your story on the blog, Daisy!
In the corner of our garden, tucked in between the pear trees and the clematis, sits our pride and joy. It’s not a dog, or a precious tree, a statue, or a sculpture – no – Guess what! It’s a Hot Tub!
When I clicked on Edward online 3 years ago, while nervously trying my hand at internet dating, I had absolutely no idea he had a marvellous secret – he had, in the back garden, his very own Hot Tub!
Now I have always adored hot tubs. On a spa day with my girlfriends I am straight in there and never want to get out! I don’t know about you? Climbing into a hot tub is my idea of heaven, and paradise, all rolled into one.
To score a 10, the hot tub has to be BIG, DEEP and VERY, VERY HOT! Nothing else will do! And to be honest on spa days I am often disappointed as these hot tubs for Joe Public are often sadly lacking in these criteria! But Edward’s hot tub is a Rolls Royce hot tub!
It has 4 deep seats, with cushioned head rests, so your shoulders are naturally submerged when you are seated. When you take the cover off, clouds of steam, evaporate in front of you, so you just know you are stepping into utopian bliss! It’s sparklingly clean- he tends to it with fatherly concern every day! – and smells ocean fresh as he puts aromatherapy crystals into it every night. It’s so hot, as you step in, you have to lower yourself into the steam slightly hesitantly – not because you are going to burn yourself – but because the sinking down, boiling hot sensation is so phenomenal it’s almost orgasmic – and you just naturally want to savour a second of it!
We first met in a pub for dinner, but after instant success, – Yes he fell in love with me as I got out of my car! – our second and third dates were in his hot tub! Yes, very romantic! But Edward was worried about appearing in front of me in his swimming trunks! The first time I went to his house, we had dinner, and I kept asking, “so when we were going in the hot tub?” He was obviously disconcerted … and he kept saying “It’s not dark enough yet! Have another glass of wine!”… closely followed by “Why didn’t I employ a body double for the evening!”
When we did finally strip off – swimwear of course – we lounged around for a good hour or so with a glass or two of wine – and I eventually had to ask him to kiss me! “Oh,” he said, “am I allowed!” So yes, we did have our first kiss in the hot tub!
In case you are wondering – it is virtually impossible to really have sex in a hot tub! The walls and seats are the wrong shape, the depth is all wrong, the water is not helpful as it isn’t really a good lubricant – and it’s not great for the neighbours to watch – so sorry to disappoint you – but we don’t do that!
Lying in the hot tub most nights, often late in the evening before we go to bed, we gaze up at the moon and the stars. Edward is passionate about space, stars and time. His biggest delight would be to share the hot tub with Brain Cox and bombard him with questions about blackholes and galaxies. For Valentine’s Day 2015, I bought us our own star! It’s called the Daisy & Peter Binary star, as it is actually two stars joined together. It will be registered for posterity, forever, on the Space map as our star! We love it!
Now – I have read that hot tubs can have great advantages for human health, read on, but also that trouble can lurk beneath! I’m quite sure that with Edward’s fastidious hot tub biochemical wizardry there is nothing growing in our hot tub whatsoever. In fact, you could boil an egg in it! Why not! (Rick Stein did just that in a hot spring, on one of his Long Weekends in Iceland!).
In the hot tub our blood vessels relax and dilate, blood pressure falls, and our core temperature rises. This is a great remedy for anxiety and stress, and of course helps deal with our insomnia. Moreover some studies have shown the hot tub can lower glucose levels, reduce inflammation and soothe arthritic joints. Steam and heat can clear sinuses, and reduce the frequency of tension headaches and migraine.
Ok – yes – I did read about the faecal material that resides in the natal cleft and is churned up by the jets creating a sort of poo soup! And that people urinate in hot tubs – they don’t in ours! – and that herpes has been cultured from the hot tub plastic seats! But surely this is for the great unclean who don’t shower, or attend to their personal hygiene like you and I! As for herpes – it’s a virus – 70% of the population already have anti-herpes antibodies, meaning they’ve met the infection before! (Anyway, Granny can give you herpes, when she gives you a kiss under the Christmas Tree! – it’s true!) Our hot tub is herpes free for certain!
So, anyone out there interested in romance? In doing things differently? New ideas for a first date? Maybe you are a space enthusiast and need somewhere a bit different to site your telescope! Maybe you just love wine, hot water and steam!
Whatever your reason – hot tubs can be romantic. They can be a fabulous place in which to conduct a relationship! Just climb in, turn on those jets, sink down, and breathe deeply! And the only other guests we need to worry about in our hot tub – are our very own family- of hot tub ducks!
Daisy Mae x
For more about Daisy, visit www.datingdaisy.net. (Ask me any questions about sexual health, menopause or internet dating – I’m now an Agony Aunt!).
Plus see my Sexual Health blog – Daisy Mae – at The Huffington Post UK (www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/)
Follow Daisy Mae on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.