By Daisy Mae
So I clicked on this guy on the dating site – I liked the name. It was December and he called himself Santajingles – I couldn’t resist - could you?
Blow me down if he didn’t swear to me that he is the real, the one and only, FATHER CHRISTMAS himself! It’s true – so he said!
So now, I have a date with Santa Claus. Next weekend in fact - Yikes ! - But I’m having second thoughts ...
Here’s the thing, when I started this internet dating I wasn’t looking for a short, round man with a large, white beard. I wasn’t! There was no photo on his profile by the way – I had to ask him to email me a picture – I wonder why?! – and by the time he sent it, I was too embarrassed to say ‘No!’
When I was internet dating I set my criteria. You will know that if you have read Dating Daisy. These sort of evolved with the story. Here they are Looks, Personality, Educated, Solvent and Available
I don’t think Santa scores any points? ...
Personality? – blank?
Educated? X (I doubt it – but he seems a good toy maker!).
Solvent? X (Does he even have a bank account?).
Available ? X – Uh Uh! ... he lives in the North Pole!
A grand total of ZERO!
My mind is whirling through the key issues of a date with Santa.
To start with how old is Santa? He didn’t put that on his profile either but he definitely looks like a pensioner! – I did say aged 50-60- but! ... over 70? ... A bit too old for me!
Next, I really don’t like beards, do you? Not big, white itchy beards full of sticky bits of mince pie?
A red suit? On a first date? – Read my blog on my site on “What to wear on a first date!”- Santa has not taken any advice that was given.
And black wellies. On a first date? That’s worse than trainers!
And look at his mode of transport? Where’s the Ferrari? An open top sleigh pulled by reindeer?
I’ve tried one of those rickshaws in London and that was hair raising enough!
Where would he take me? OK – he knows the rooftops. But does he know the trendiest restaurants and bars that I like to frequent? Or can he cook? He seems to just be a dab hand at candyfloss, lollies and sweeties. No Cordon Bleu in Lapland as far as I can see.
Does he know anything about wine? No grapes in the North Pole. Just cocoa, cocoa and cocoa ... Oh dear. Where’s my Sauvignon Blanc?
He’s a bit tubby - old Santa! – Now I know I’ve said I tend to favour taller, heavier men, but I don’t think I could get my arms round Santa’s waist! Could we actually get close enough – for a Christmas kiss?... I am not too sure!
And can he dance? Any perfect suitor for me has to be able to a Christmas Jive or a Rock and Roll. He didn’t have dancing on his profile. If he can’t do the Bellisimo Cha Cha Cha – I’m afraid this is a No - No!
I guess there is one thing about Santa that’s pretty positive – he does arrive with a sack load of presents! If I ask nicely, will he fill my stocking with Chanel Number 5?
There’s one more thing that’s bugging me. This is it ... he’s married! - To Mrs Christmas! - I think? ... so unless there’s been a major change in his marital status, he is actually not available! I think it’s far preferable to date men who are not, have never been or are no longer, married. (As I said in my post “How to talk to a man on a first date,” (https://www.datingdaisy.net/howtodressforafirstdate-myperosnals) beware men who are still not emotionally over their previous relationship.) Mr and Mrs Christmas are still very much an item, or so I heard!
In fact why is Santa on a dating site in the first place?
So I went on the dating site (allIwantforchristmas.com) and I sent him a message
It’s time to be straight with me OK? Are you or are you not really the real Santa?
This what he said -
Ok – hands up! I’m rumbled! – You got me! Ok, Ok - so I’m not the real Santa.
I thought I would try it on because heh – every girl wants Santa Claus at Christmas!
So ... you’ll have to put up with little old me instead! Hope you won’t be disappointed.
And it’s Christmas!
Just click on this image below and see the identity of you Real Internet Dating Father Christmas!
What! - I thought crestfallen! – Not the real Santa? - No sleigh! No real jingle bells!
And I fancied the cocoa!
... Deep breath ... Who is my date next weekend after all?
I’ll click on the link now and see ... ! My hand is rather shaky.
Come on – I’m clicking - click ... No ... OMG! Can I believe it!
This just must be the true magic of Christmas!
Who is this in the picture? ...
... OMG! ... Click! ... It’s George Clooney!
... Now this really has to be - the true magic of Christmas!
Daisy Mae x
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