Well ... from a female perspective this is right, but not quite the same. You see women love to talk. Expansively. Round and round the subject. And what do you need if you want to talk? Why – a good listener of course!
Anyhow, when you first meet, you won’t have established any rules. Be prepared for a chatty session, and you need to challenge your DNA on this occasion to come up with the goods! Sit forward, have good eye contact, and listen. Friendships are based on sharing experiences and storytelling, and that’s what’s happening here.
Now I’m rolling backwards. You’ve met this great woman on the internet, you’ve exchanged some emails and you are going to meet. This could be the first day of the rest of your life! It’s really important you don’t mess it up because of something easily avoidable.
Where to go on a First Date
Ask her to choose the venue? She will like this as all women are worried about their personal safety on the internet.
The anticipation of the date is one of the nicest things about it. She may not have been on a date for decades! So – do email or text her in the run up to the date saying you are looking forward to it. This will help enormously to making your meeting a success.
What to Wear?
See What to Wear on a First Date. Dress appropriately. No-one expects a 3 piece suit in a coffee shop! But – you need clean, pressed, sweet-smelling clothes, which fit the date. I asked one of my dates not to come as a Morris Dancer – my pet hate – he assured me he wouldn’t – but turned up in a purple striped shirt and green trousers! Think. She will be trying hard to get it right for you. You really should do the same. There are articles on the internet about what to wear on a first date. Have a look!
I do hope you haven’t lied on your profile! Apparently 80% of people lie on their profile – usually about height, weight and age! I am really upset to hear this but it does mirror my own experiences. Firstly, how can you start any sort of relationship on a lie? Secondly after all those emails, and all that anticipation, and that long drive to finally meet up – what a disappointment when you meet someone, and neither of you are who you thought you were meeting! Honestly, if you tell the truth about yourself, and show up to date photographs, it will save you a lot of heartache! The thing is, in middle age, very few of us are super models! But there is someone out there for everyone! Just get some cleverly angled and complimentary – but truthful – photos taken, and go with the flow. She should be doing the same.
This may seem obvious but please clean your teeth! And pile on the after shave! Clean breath and enticing smells are so attractive. One of my dates, (with the Internet Phantom) was ruined by halitosis! This is so unnecessary! Don’t let the date go wrong for want of a new toothbrush!
What Should I do?
Make sure you arrive before her. Do not be late. It’s very embarrassing as a woman to walk into a pub or a restaurant on your own. Stand by the door so you can welcome her the minute she arrives. You will also have had the opportunity to pick a secluded table where you have a little privacy. On one of my dates, Patrick, who I was meeting for the first time, sprang out of the pub doorway and nearly suffocated me – in that instant I didn’t know if I was being attacked or assaulted and it was all a bit of a skirmish! So do temper your enthusiasm a little!
Offer her a drink, a coffee, or the menu. You must be chivalrous, do the ordering, offer a refill, and yes, offer to pay. Most women want to pay their way, but it is extremely courteous and will get you a long way if you pay on the first date. Let’s face it, this is not likely to be a Michelin star restaurant and will probably only amount to a few pounds!
I suggest you sit opposite each other, or at right angles, and not side by side. This way you get better eye contact and can better appreciate each other’s body language. Also, be far enough apart not to touch knees or elbows. Save the physical side for later.
You should have done your home work – that is carefully read her profile. She has been advised to do the same, and so the date will go swimmingly if you both know a little about each other, can ask questions and tell each other a bit more about yourselves. This may include your occupation, hobbies and interests, foreign travel etc
I would seriously advise not going into detail about you last relationship/divorce/reason for your divorce etc ... It’s really not good. This can all be discussed later. It’s very off putting sharing all these details. You need to be able to put the past behind you, and if you can’t, you are not ready to be looking for a new partner.
What Should I say?
I would suggest you arm yourself with some topics of conversation, like what’s been a great hit recently on TV, any shows or concerts you have been to, or any major news items. In the News as I write this article, it’s all about millionaires sending money abroad to avoid paying income tax. What do you think/does she think of this? Is it fair if these people are resident in the UK? What could we use the money for in the UK if we had all that extra income ... etc ... I think showing you listen to the news and are aware of topical issues shows you as a mature and free thinking person, all very exemplary.
Do Listen to what she says – capital L. This may be the only time you meet when the two of you are trying quite so hard! If you are both trying hard - you may just over do it and neither of you will be successful! So breathe! Be patient! Speak slowly! Think before you speak!
Be complimentary! If she looks pretty say so! If you like the dress, say so! If she smells great, say so! If she makes you laugh – tell her that was so funny – I haven’t laughed like that in ages!
Let her call the date to an end. It’s far more polite this way. If you thought about it, now would be the time to walk her to her car and give her the flowers you had hidden in the boot! Yes - that old chestnut! – it works!
Now there’s nothing you can do about pheromones – these silent molecules released from our bodies – that mean we are either attracted to each other – or we aren’t. There is a whole chapter in my book about pheromones by the way. But do be aware of them, because - if they are coursing through your veins, believe me, you will know! Be in tune with your inner self! Also be aware if they are absent. This is a chemical reaction in your body that is out of your control. If it isn’t there, it isn’t there – sorry!
If you liked each other, then I would suggest you fix date number 2 before you part. If you are not sure if you want to see her again, explain you would like to go home and reflect, then email her shortly. Then be kind in this email, and say a nice lot of positives, before you land the whammy that you don’t want to continue. It’s hard to be rejected and there are kinder ways to do it.
What to do Next
Personally I would not advise sex on the first date. I have written this in my advice to women too. There is so much more to be gained from building up a relationship, looking forward to this development in the relationship, and valuing it. The courtship period – as it used to be known – seems to be such a thing of the past these days and it’s so sad! I did say at the beginning of this article that it has not been written for the bed notch post gatherers!
On a practical note, if you plan to have a physical relationship, do go and get an STI screen, including an HIV test. It’s a responsible thing to do these days, and very important for both of you preferably before there is any sexual contact. If you can’t do this ... at least make sure you use a condom carefully!
One thing I will add, is don’t use the same chat up lines again! One of my dates emailed me just before me met saying “Celine Dion, 21 letters beginning with ....?”
I was totally flattered!
But! - when we split, I saw him on match.com, and he had sent exactly the same message to his next prospective date! I thought it was totally crass!
– as is sexting by the way! A number of women have turned , gone home, and stood up their date, having received one of these text messages. It isn’t a turn on – it’ not tasteful – my firm advice is please don’t do it!
So ... putting it all together ... now you know! How to make that all important date go with a swing!
Good luck fellas! I know you can do it! Fail safe advice from Dating Daisy!
Daisy Mae x
Copyright © Daisy Mae 8/11/2017
Everything you needed to know about the first date...
...and didn’t know who to ask!
How to Talk to a Woman on a First Date
By Daisy Mae
When I wrote How to talk to a Man on a First Date, I had no idea the article would attract so much attention! So by popular demand here goes the male version ...
This article is for men who want a longterm relationship. Not for men who just want notches on bed posts - So - surely the most important thing about any date is the conversation? ... Isn’t it?
So right from the beginning of this article I want to ask men very nicely to go to their date forewarned. As I said in my article about what women should say to men on a first date, men were the hunter gatherers and women tended the cave and the camp fire. When a woman off-loads all about themselves onto a man, he starts to feel panicky, as if he should know what to do or say about this barrage of information. So he withdraws a bit and seems standoffish. And the woman thinks he just doesn’t get it yet, and talks a whole load more. And the two of them are at cross-purposes.
Women often complain men are uncommunicative and don’t say much. Men often roll their eyes and say women never stop talking! Surprising really, the human species hasn’t died out years ago!
What’s the solution? First – you have to accept the genetic difference. It’s a fact of your DNA and nothing you can do about it. If you don’t want to be on your own forever, you need to learn how to deal with it.
She needs to deal with it too. For example, I now say to Edward, I need to tell you all about something that’s bothering me, but I just want you to listen, I don’t expect any answers. And this tactic seems to work perfectly!